Maleficent

Be warned! I can come up with no logical way to defend my decision without putting spoilers in this review. SO! SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING

Beautiful and dark... just like Disney I guess

Our story begins with a young fairy named Maleficent (Angelina Jolie) finding a human boy named Stefan (Sharlto Copley) stealing something from her realm. The two eventually become fast friends and eventually start a relationship; but soon find it was not meant to be and go their separate ways. The boy longed for wealth and power, while the fairy was content protecting her people. The king of the land the enchanted forest lies on has been making war on the creatures so humans could walk through their woods, it just so happens that Stefan is a ward to the king. The king loses a battle to Maleficent and decrees that the person who can kill her will inherit the crown. One thing leads to another and Stefan brings the wings of Maleficent back to the king as a trophy of his "kill" (he couldn't bring himself to kill her, just cut off her wings). This act incurs the wrath of the fairy and she storms his castle on the day of his daughter's christening, laying a curse on his daughter, Aurora (Elle Fanning) as revenge for her wings/his betrayal.  

Okay so everything you ever knew about Maleficent is going to be disregarded for this film. We knew her as the end all be all evilness from Disney's villain vault, now she's not.... she's the "hero." The story actually grew on me after a while, it was dark while still retaining a smidgen of Disney charm. I like that Maleficent was a hero, I like that the three fairies in charge of her were dumb, I like that her father was actually crazy, and I like that charming barely had a role in this. It seemed that the writer for this was trying to take a note from their most recent success ("Frozen") and go with a different type of true love breaking the spell, which was interesting and cool. Where they kind of lost me was the ending.

If you ignored my spoiler warning this is where you are going to get punished, my main problem is with the ending. 

I wouldn't say they lost me completely I would just say that I expected more from the production company that killed off so many parents. Basically, instead of Maleficent dying she redeems herself and lives happily ever after. I know this is the Disney ending everyone has come to expect, but they already committed to a dark movie so why hold back on killing Maleficent (and this movie was really friggin' dark due to one scene in particular). I expected to have my heart broken by seeing Maleficent fall, and Aurora being without a person she had come to love. Instead, I got the Disney ending of "nothing bad happens, everyone is cool, go on about your lives." It was a major buzz kill for me. I was thinking of this movie as "Sleeping beauty from the villian's perspective," instead it turned out to be "Villain is turned to a hero." Weird and I didn't have that great a time with being led a stray.

This is probably going to have to be noted by people as well. Remember when I said that one scene in particular was really dark? Expect your mind to instantly go to "date rape" when Maleficent has her wings stolen. I know I am not the only person out there that thought this, so my mind is not in a dark place, the theme is very hard to escape when you see it played out. Stefan sneaks Maleficent something in her drink and she wakes up with no wings. The look of sheer horror and betrayal, mixed with the alienated victim look she has after she screams out is inescapable as "date rape." That is why I said this movie was unusually dark, and it is a very powerful/moving scene.

Now that I can finally get away from the story line, let's talk acting. This movie makes me think that Angelina Jolie is one of the great under sung actresses of our generation. She was spot on through out this entire movie, and stole every single scene she was in. The scenes where she was on screen I didn't want to blink for fear I would miss true talent in the works. Not to say the rest of the cast was bad by any means. Sam Riley did well as Maleficent's minion, and should now have a strong career ahead of him as the fangirls swoon over him. I have always been a fan of Sharlto Copley and this movie changed nothing since he played the mad king brilliantly. Elle Fanning seems to be topping her sister in this performance, which is no easy task.

The last problem I had with this movie was the pacing. If they had stretched this movie out to two hours I don't think it would have felt like they were racing to the end. Everything just happened so fast, and I feel that this movie could have done with a few more scenes of Aurora and Maleficent bonding. Basically, Maleficent had to spend one night with her to completely regret her decision in cursing her (yes, I know she was already on the fence  from watching the child grow up, my statement remains valid). As good as Angelina's acting was, she couldn't make up for the pace throwing me off on: why she actually cared about this girl. 

Final Verdict: See it in theaters It may have seemed rushed and poorly finished, but I still liked this movie. You have to see it on the big screen to get the full effect, so go do that. 

Million Dollar Arm

I am still not interested in baseball

We start by sports agent JB (Jon Hamm) going through a tough time with his new firm, trying to sign his first big contract to drag his company out of the gutter. After his most recent play to get his next big contract fails, he comes up with a new strategy while drunkenly watching cricket (and Britain's Got Talent). He wants to be the first person to get someone from India signed to play professional baseball, by proxy getting the MLB a billion new potential viewers/costumers. When he goes over to India he starts a competition called "Million Dollar Arm" to try and get as many people as he can to show up. With a rocky start he finally finds two potential professional baseball players, Rinku (Suraj Sharma) and Dinesh (Madhur Mittal, also known as the two Indian actors with the greatest potential for greatness in Hollywood, more on that later). He also brings back a coach in training/translator, Amit (Pitobash). The boys have never left their small villages and are in for quite the culture shock when they come to America; as well as learning just how hard baseball really is.

The story line here is hard to gauge since this is all based on a true story. I can't necessarily call it crap since it really happened; but the execution of this powerful story line was a bit off.  Full disclosure, I absolutely hate baseball (I find it to be the most boring sport ever created, and that is saying a lot when golf/tennis is considered a "sport"), so it takes a lot for a movie to get me interested in something like this. I loved "Field of Dreams," "The Sandlot," and "Angels in the Outfield," I hated "Moneyball" there are a couple of home runs, mixed with a fair amount of strike outs (pun most definitely intended). This movie isn't a strike out, but it did get caught trying to slide to second. They should have dropped the the love angle with JB and Brenda, I didn't care about if they made it or not. They should have made it more about the boys, since they were the most interesting characters on the screen. I don't care about romance, I don't care about a retired baseball scout, and I don't care about JB learning how to open his heart to other people. I care about how the boys are feeling, and if they are acclimating to a more westernized society. The parts they did show of the boys, and their time getting to know America were to spaced out and not long enough. I know Disney can do better when it comes to these types of movies, but it seems that football movies are there field of expertise.

The actors in this were so-so. At least the American actors were. Bill Paxton and Alan Arkin always seem to play the same charters they always play, so if you liked Bill in "Twister" and Alan in "Grudge Match" you will like them here. The only experience I have with Jon Hamm's acting is seeing "The Town" (which he was good in) based on this performance I am going to say he needs to go back to doing more roles like that. I don't know why his voice took on this gravely effect (like he smokes two packs a day) when he is trying to pitch someone a deal. I don't know why he can't convey emotion properly, but he was way off his game here.  Lake Bell was good, among the American actors she had the best presence. Aasif Mandvi seemed to be the most enthused about having a career, so he did well too.

The Indian actors didn't really have to try that hard to sell their part. They were playing Indian native men coming to America for the first time, if they can't sell that, they need to choose another profession. This is the second movie I have seen with Suraj Sharma (the first being "Life of Pi") and based on both performances I want to see more from him, maybe in a bigger budget action role next time. The same goes for Madhur Mitttal (the first movie I saw him in was "Slumdog Millionaire"), except I would like to see him in a romantic comedy of some kind. The reason I was so specific on their future acting careers is because I want to see how much range they have. I don't really know how to gauge Pitobash since this is the first movie I have seen him in (which is weird since he has more accredited acting roles than the other two), but the awkward motivational speech he gave in this gives me hope for him.

The best part of this movie was the utter culture shock spoiled American viewers should feel after watching some key scenes from this movie (which is why I wanted more attention drawn to the Americanization of the boys). I know next to nothing about Indian culture, and can't comment on if they glorified the situation or not, but they did strike a cord with me. It's hard to imagine why JB didn't seem to understand that the boys would have a hard time adjusting to America, since he actually saw the village they came from.

Final Verdict: Netflix It It should be required viewing for people who have little appreciation of their lives in America, but there are plenty of other movies that show that. I can't say you should spend your money on this, but you should watch it if you have nothing better to do... or just watch one of the other baseball movies I mentioned. 

Blended

Better then expected... and I expected nothing

Our story begins with two single adults, Jim and Lauren (Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore) on a date for the first time in a long time for both of them. The date goes horribly and we see the two back to their respective lives. Jim has three daughters; Hilary (AKA Larry played by Bella Thorne) is a teenager coming into her own as a woman. Espn (Emma Fuhrmann) is the middle child who has a heart breaking imaginary friend. Lou is the little, cute one who is the apple of her father's eye. On Lauren's side we have two boys, the wild child Tyler (Kyle Red Silverstein) and Brandan (Braxton Beckham) the horny little kid, with a crush on his babysitter. Both of the boys just wanting their mother and father (Joel McHale) to get back together, while the girls and their father cope with the aftermath of losing their mother to cancer. Our two families find themselves crossing paths in Africa, after Lauren and Jim both try to do something nice for their kids.

So the story line here is not great (shocker), it's not bad by any since but a little too contrived. It has this bad air looming over it like we have seen this a million times before. Guy X and girl Y despise each other but have to make the most of it for the kids. The name of this movie actually threw me for a loop before I saw it, but now all is clear. "Blended" infers to blended family, clever and actually a little new for Happy Madison productions. That was about the most clever thing I got see from this movie, sadly. The jokes were very Sandler styled jokes. Rhinos humping in the wild, pain related humor, awkward comedy. If you are familiar with the comedy in "Grown Ups 2" you will see the same style here, except less shitty. This also has a more coherent and relate-able story line than that travesty against humanity.  Not that the story line here was good, it was just better then crap. It was completely standard and unremarkable, while still being something you can take your kids to go see safely without wanting to look for the nearest noose. Especially if you are a blended family. It's kind of like the production company was trying to find their footing again after coming out with so many bad movies, it was a descent attempt but we are still quite far away from movies like "Big Daddy" and "The Longest Yard" remake.

I try to be in Sandler's corner for a lot of these movies that I know other critics and viewers are going to hate. Sometimes it is easier when he stars in movies like "Little Nicky" and "Funny People," other times it is damn near impossible when he stars in movies like "Jack and Jill" and "Grown Ups 2." He has just become so predictable lately, and he is an actor I never thought I would say that about. He seems to be taking the safest route, and following the money. I mean he was good in this, but only because he is playing the same father character he plays in all of his recent family movies. I think he was trying to recapture the audience by putting Barrymore in this, since "50 First Dates" was so well received. Little does he know the world doesn't care about Barrymore anymore, just like the world is starting to not care about him. It is sad really. He is funny, I know this, I've seen him be funny before, but here we are again looking at the same crap he has been peddling since "Jack and Jill," which remarkably makes "Funny People" even more depressing since these types of movies are all he seems to be doing lately. We have a couple of actors that always like to tag along Sandler's coat tails. Terry Crews is still the "Funny-because-he-is-so-fit" guy, Kevin Nealon is still the awkward guy (who is actually a little more profound this time around since he got a good line), Shaquille O' Neal shows up as someone who is not just used because he is a damn giant. Finally we have Joel McHale playing a deadbeat dad, doing the thing he seems to know how to do best which is "be a dick" (glad the art of typecasting is still alive and well).

The kids absolutely saved this movie, and have made this one of my guilty pleasures (very, very guilty). The kids are the most relate-able people in this movie, and it is amazing that the casting director could find such great acting talent at such a young age. Of course these kid's characters are all interchangeable with a thousand other kid characters form hundred's of other movies, but the delivery here is quite remarkable. We have your standard "girl-is-starting-to-become-a-woman" character, cute as a button character, wild child character, horny, little deviant character, and depressing kid character. These are all characters we have seen in some fasion before, but here they seem more human. Bella Thorne sold me more than any other awkward girl before her,  Emma Fuhrmann actually got me a little choked up, Alyvia Alyn Lind made me want to pinch her cheeks, Kyle Red Silverstein had me thinking of wild child kids I see at the mall, and Braxton Beckham had me thinking of my sexual deviant days. I hope we get to see these kids in more movies, and I hope they don't learn anything from Sandler about where their career should head to next.

Since this movie is now a guilty pleasure of mine (as stated above), I hate myself for saying that I kind of enjoyed it. I know it is bad writing, I know it is generic and uninspired; but the theme touched me somehow. If the trailers didn't sell this as "the next big PG-13" comedy I think you could actually have a good, generic family romp on your hands here.  It won't bring in the 18-30 year old crowd, but might just be something age groups above and below can enjoy.

Final Verdict: Netflix it It won't be knocking anyone's socks off, but it might just keep you entertained for a few hours. Don't go into it for the romance, or the comedy, go into it for the family togetherness. It also helps if you are expectations for this movie are the lowest they have ever been for a movie, like mine were.

X-Men: Days of Future Past

Past meets Future and it is glorious

Our story begins in an apocalyptic future where robots called "Sentinels" have basically killed every living thing on the planet (save for a few of our favorite superheros). These machines were originally created to extinguish the "mutant threat," but eventually started killing everyone that had the potential of making more mutants (which is everyone else apparently). Our heroes in the future have a shot at stopping this disaster before it even starts by sending Logan/Wolverine's (Hugh Jackman) consciousness back into his younger body. During this time he has to convince a morally lost, young Professor Xavier (James McAvoy) to become the Professor Xavier we all know and love (Sir Patrick Stewart). He is also told by a future Magneto (Sir Ian McKellan) to convince his younger self (Micheal Fassbender) to come along for the ride, since both men have the strongest connection to their real problem, Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence). Mystique is the thing that makes the robots of the future unstoppable, and it is up to all of our heroes to keep her from falling into the wrong hands, one way or the other.

I actually really liked this movie, and that is saying a lot for a comic book movie not produced by Marvel/Disney these days. Believe me it is no "Captain America: The Winter Soldier," but it was definitely entertaining enough for me to thoroughly enjoy it. The story line is one of the things that holds this movie back from true greatness; but at the same time it is also one of the greatest things about. The bad things include Kitty Pride getting some new power that has nothing to do with her current power, and it not being explained at all. It is supposed to be just generally accepted that this just happened, and we all have to role with it. The good things are subtle. Like strong messages about drug use and how it drives even the greatest of men into turmoil. Basically Professor Xavier is a junkie in this, it gives him the use of his legs but suppresses his powers (making him human). When you see James McAvoy holding a needle to his skin, in a cold sweat, and his friend begging him not to use, you get the picture pretty quick. The sentinels themselves having a strong message to them (but than again they always had this message in X-Men). It goes a little something like this "what if someone did want to extinguish an entire section of humanity? (homosexuals, African Americans, Hebrews, etc.) What would stop that thing from killing everyone with the potential of making more?" As I said it isn't the newest message from the X-Men, but the delivery here is unique and pretty great.

The acting in this was absolutely superb, that should come as no surprise when you look at the names attached to this (even though other movies with big names had those actors fall flat... looking at you "Amazing Spider-Man 2"). Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart give their usual flawless performance. Hugh Jackman gives a newer, fresher performance as a more caring; yet, still gruff Wolverine. Peter Dinklage does amazing as Bolivar Trask, which was actually a real worry for me since I didn't know if he would translate well to big budget action movies.  Jenifer Lawrence does what she can, while seeming like she didn't really want to be in the movie (since she is at a time in her career where she is probably swimming in scripts). I wasn't really surprised by Evan Peters' ability to play Quicksilver since all he had to do was play an annoying asshole with incredible power. The real show stoppers here were James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender. catching the magic from "X-Men: First Class" these two were absolute scene thieves in this movie. James plays a distraught Professor Xavier even better than he played a young, hopeful Professor Xavier. Fassbender sells an evil, murder happy Magento like very few others could.

The action scenes in this were pretty spectacular, even tough the movie could have done with a little more of them. The big scene that everyone is probably going to be screaming about is the "slow time Quicksilver" moments. They were very entertaining, just not really the newest thing in the world. The rest of the action scenes were pretty great besides those few moments that will probably be blowing up your Facebook wall. I liked finally being able to see Ice Man surf on his ice, I liked seeing Colossus as more of a useless character, and the Mystique action sequences that we missed in "X-Men: First Class" are now back with a vengeance. These scenes are some of the best directed, high graphic fight scenes I have seen in a while, and it is refreshing to say that when I am not talking about "Pacific Rim" or "The Avengers".

I know that Bryan Singer's recent allegations are probably going to have a bulls eye pointed on me for saying this, but the man did extremely well with this movie. So well that he blew his other two X-Men movies out of the water. I don't really care about the man's personal life, it has nothing to do with his ability to make a quality film. The older movies were good for the time being, since that is the best we could get; but, now we have a Bryan Singer that apparently found the secret sauce of making big budget action sequences.

Final Verdict: See it in Theaters A few missteps keep this from my highest honor, but this movie was definitely worth the price of admission. I can only hope our next big super hero movie took its ques from movies like this and "Captain America: The Winter Soldier."

Godzilla

False advertising is a lot of fun

We open with Dr. Ichiro Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) flying to an island to investigate a finding at a dig site, it turns out to be the bones of a huge monster (or something). Pan to the Brody family where we see Joe and Sandra Brody (Bryan Cranston) off to work and there son Ford Brody (apparently they wanted the most American sounding name they could think of) off to school. Joe and Sandra work at a nuclear plant in Tokyo (Marge apparently wanted a job where she could be next to Homer), until the day that a series of earthquakes makes the plant go into meltdown killing Sandra (basically in the trailer not giving a spoiler warning to that). Fifteen years later we find Ford (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) working as an EOD unit's Lieutenant in the military. He is home on leave for all of a couple of hours when he hears his father is being held in a Japanese prison for trespassing on a quarantine zone so he could try to get back to his old home. Joe has been trying to confirm his suspicions about there being more to the accident that claimed his wife's life. It turns out he is right when they both go into the quarantine zone and the government is housing a monster.

If you are looking for a lot of Bryan Cranston in this movie you are going to be very disappointed. If you are looking for a lot of moster action in this movie....you are still going to be a little disappointed. At least I was. I think "Pacific Rim" has kind of ruined me for movies like this. In that movie they promised giant robots punching giant monsters to death, and they delivered exactly that. In this movie they promised Godzilla and Bryan Cranston, and I got very little of both. Instead I got a lot of that kid from "Kick-Ass" trying to play soldier. I thought with a movie like "Pacific Rim" being out there, and the visuals of movies being what they are today we were past the point of not wanting to show a lot of monster fighting; but apparently the people in charge of this movie think that we are still dealing with puppets, or guys in suits......or they were trying to stay under budget I don't know. Not to say this was a bad movie by any means, it was just a little disappointing. There were some scenes that were thoroughly enjoyable, but it just wasn't what I expected. I kind of want to back hand the people in charge of the trailers for false advertising, but I digress; this was a very okay movie. The story line was pretty much like every other giant monster movie out there, transparent. A lot of "oh we're going to do something really stupid in an attempt to kill the monsters, but then have to save ourselves from ourselves." "How are we going to stop something that size?" "Military jargon, military jargon, military jargon" the story line is never what we come to these movies for and I am not going to insult you by spending to much time talking about it.

I did, however; expect great acting. Instead I got good acting, mixed with bad acting, mixed with some great acting. Great acting from the little bit of time we got to spend with Bryan Cranston, and a tip-of-the-hat  to Ken Watanabe as well. Good acting from the forgotten Olsen sister Elizabeth Olsen, she gave a very convincing performance as the worried military wife. Now, let's talk about Aaron Taylor Johnson. I know this kid can act, I've seen him do it. He does very well in movies like "Savages" and "Kick-Ass, " I guess he just isn't the correct fit for a military Lieutenant (also, I want to know why a guy in EOD automatically knows how to H.A.L.O. jump...problems with the story line, I'll continue). The kid definitely needed to take a few hours out of his days on set to ask Bryan Cranston what range actually was, because with a performance like this he will probably be typecast in future movies and that would be completely justified.

The monster scenes were the absolute golden moments of this movie. When I saw them I instantly went back to moments as a kid when I would watch cartoons and just feel in awe. These fight scenes were the adult me equivalent to when Goku and Majin Vegeta fought in my younger years (sorry anime reference... ummm.... think Megatron fighting Optimus Prime on the 1980's "Transformers" series). Seeing monsters crash into buildings and those buildings having an actual effect on their physical well being was awesome. The monsters always seemed like they were huge, they never lost scale, you always felt like if this thing was real you would be the size of it's eyeball. An impressive job on this part of the movie all around.

Okay, okay, I know what you are waiting for: was this movie a repeat of America's first time trying to bring "Godzilla" to the states and should we want sequels? The answer is no it wasn't that god awful Matthew Broderick heavy piece of garbage; and yes, you should definitely want sequels. This movie should serve as more of an "origin esque story" for the character, I expect the second film will be much better. The best part is this movie opened the doors for revamps of all our favorite monsters fighting Godzilla. I just only hope that they don't blow their load on the second one and make a Mecha Godzilla movie.

Final Verdict: Netflix It due to some major short comings I can't bring myself to tell you to waste money on this. The only reason you should see this is if you want a good five minutes of some amazing monster fighting, other than that chalk this up to another lazy day movie. If you have nothing better to do watch this.

Neighbors

Effron really wants you to forget his high school days

New to the world of parenting Mac and Kelly Radner have just spent all of their money on a new house. The neighborhood is nice and quiet, ideal for raising their baby daughter; however, the responsibility of taking care of their baby is starting to make them feel old. On a seemingly normal day in their neighborhood they find that they are going to be getting some new neighbors, they soon realize that these new neighbors are a fraternity. Having gone through college and knowing that fraternities have a tendency to be loud they try to let the college boys know to "keep it down." The fraternity seems to be okay with this as long as the couple promises to tell them about any complaints and not the cops. One thing leads to another and it becomes clear to the couple that they need to get the police involved. After they do, an all out war breaks between the two houses, and it doesn't seem to have an end point that won't result in one of them moving.

I have a confession to make.... I love Seth Rogan movies. Their has only been one or two that I can think of that I didn't like ("The Guilt Trip" and "The Green Hornet"). So it came as no surprise that I loved this movie too. This movie is just flat out funny, filed with humor that ranges from awkward to grotesque it just shined in all the right places. I like a comedy that has an actual coherent story line. I like a comedy that tends to break the fourth wall from time to time. To me this is the "Adults vs. Fraternity" movie "Grown Ups 2" should have been. It also ends fairly nice, and gives the viewer not only a good time but a moral.

Since I don't want to spoil any of the gags for you, I'll just move onto the acting. Zac Effron plays the perfect dumb jerk, and it really surprised me that he had so much chemistry with Seth Rogan. If you are looking for a new character from Seth Rogan this probably isn't the movie for you. Seth Rogan is the same as always, but I do like the character that he always plays. It was nice to see Rose Byrne cut loose a little bit as opposed to her more uptight roles. She seemed to have had a history of being very hit and miss with me for a while, but I can at least put this movie in the hit column. I can say the same thing for Dave Franco's movie career, but this movie actually gave him one of his best roles. No one gets over shadowed, it seems like the entire cast was just on their A game. The cameos by random comedic actors and actresses were well placed and much appreciated. 

I know Seth Rogan is getting a little tired for most people these days, but for some reason he just has a direct line to my funny bone. I've heard many people criticize that he always plays the same character, which is true but at least he is reliable as that character. Other people like to criticize his laugh which I have never had a problem with (at the very least it is not Fran Drescher level of annoying). Zac Effron has been under scrutiny ever since he played in "High School Musical" and many of his other early roles, and movies like "That Awkward Moment" sure as hell didn't help him establish more of a career. This movie is just what he needed, audiences around the world need to see that he can play a more grown up character, that is able to make fun of himself. Dave Franco needed a hit after the "Warm Bodies" and "Now You See Me" fiascoes and this was perfect. It reminded me of his character in "21 Jump Street," but weirdly a more responsible version of that character. 

Final Verdict: See it in theaters I couldn't give this movie my highest honor because it was just shy of the perfect comedy, but it was still pretty awesome. Go see it if you can and I promise you will not be disappointed.

Spider-Man Vs. The Amazing Spider-Man

Recently I did a review on "The Amazing Spider-Man 2" in which I said that the movie was god awful. I stand by that review, even through the massive amounts of disagreements I have received in regards to my opinion. I am not here to say that you liking the movie is wrong, I am here to say that the old movies were better. Better in almost every conceivable manner. I am going to breakdown a few points as to why I think the old movie series is better and you can feel free to post your disagreements in the comments on Facebook as usual.

Reason # 1 Actors

I don't know why Tobey Maguire has received such hatred from people on his portrayal of Peter Parker/Spider-Man, he was perfect for the role. What you have to understand is that Peter Parker is a nerd, a nerd from a time when being a nerd wasn't considered "cool." He had no self confidence, he had very little appeal at all. He was a smart, social awkward science major. Tobey Maguire played Peter Parker better than any person before or since. When the mask went on he grew a back bone, and acted like a suave, crass, trash talker we all know Spider-Man to be; but with his own nerdy flair thrown in. So he was also the perfect Spider-Man. Why does the character change when no one knows who he is? In a podcast "The Arkham Sessions" Dr. Andrea Letamendi (psychologist, mostly known for discussing the psychology surrounding comic books) discusses anonymity changing peoples usual views and character (she related it to cos-play and an episode of "Batman: The Animated Series" called "See No Evil"). When no one knows who you actually are most people's personalities take a drastic change, and Tobey Maguire shows that better in his movies than Andrew Garfield ever does in the two movies he has done. I am not saying Andrew Garfield is a bad actor (in fact I actually like most of his other movies), I am saying he doesn't know how to play this role. When Andrew Garfield plays the role he is the same, regardless of if the mask is on or not. 

Let's take a look at the rest of the cast. J. Jonah Jameson in the original movies is beyond perfect, literally bringing to life the character I read in the comics. He was so perfectly cast in the original movies that the new movies haven't even tried to recast him. The love interests in the movies are on par with each other. Emma Stone is the filler we need in the series until her eventual demise, Kirsten Dunst is the right amount of annoying for the character Mary Jane. Trying to recast the Green Goblin was a fatal mistake since Willem Dafoe will always be the end all be all to that character in my eyes. Even taking James Franco against Dane Dehann ends up with Franco on top. I respect that DeHann is an up-and-comer, but he was out of his depth here completely. The rest of the actors I can mention would further solidify my point (all except for Topher Grace as Venom), but instead of going down the list I will go on to my next point.

Reason # 2 Story telling

The original story was trying to bring Spider-Man to the big screen in the "big comic book boom" agt the time (where "Blade," "X-Men," and "Spider-Man" all came out around the same time, and introduced Hollywood to a new market ripe with potential for exploitation). The new Spider-Man is trying to save a film company with an already big movie character. The original movie had to be good, or it would have spelled death for the character ever making it big in the industry, the new movies can be as bad as they want sense the ground work was already laid out for them. The original movie appealed to all audiences, knowing that most people who knew Spider-Man at the time were readers of the original comic, or people who watched the cartoon. They had to appeal to the everyone, make it cool for kids, make it relevant for adults, and try not to piss off the comic readers. The new movie (probably) only had two thoughts in mind "we need kids to like it, and we heard complaints about the web powers being organic." With that shallow idea structure being the only thing I can think they were trying to advertise, it is no wonder why I didn't like this movie. I am not an adolescent who is easily entertained by striking visuals, and I didn't care to much that the web powers were organic. What people fail to realize is that making the character more closely related to the comic book doesn't automatically make the movie better. It still needs to sell us on being an actual movie. "The Amazing Spider-Man" series may fix one problem, but it also creates ten more. I don't care about Peter's angst as a story driving device, I don't care about Gwen Stacy as a character (since her main goal in existing is to cease existing, so Spider-Man has a new Uncle Ben for his adult years), and  I don't care if you have three villains since two of them only have five minutes of screen time. So many issues that people choose to over look because the movie is "pretty" (or they actually think everything about the movie is good, in which case more power to you). Sam Raimi chose to look at the over all picture, where Marc Webb decided to sit on the movie as a money printer. The funniest thing about that is, these movies aren't printing nearly as much money as any other superhero movie is. 

Reason # 3 I'm tired

Not the literal tired, just mentally strained at having to deal with this character over and over again. I don't want Spider-Man to end up being the superhero version of James Bond. I don't want to have to look at this character coming out with a new movie every year or two. I am done with him. Their are a seemingly infinite supply of superheros out there with better story driven character arcs, why am I forced in to watching the fifth movie of a character who is as deep as a puddle? Spider-Man is just bland and uninteresting after watching him played by two different actors in five different movies, even if Marvel gained the rights to Spider-Man back I don't know if I would be horribly interested in watching it because Sony burned the character out. We are already looking at a new movie to come out in 2016, and apparently that movie is going to try to form even more super villains, with probably just as much uneven screen time as the second movie gave us. I shouldn't feel like this, Marvel is making me hopeful while Sony has killed my hope. Marvel is taking all avenues of approach with their new characters. We probably won't see recurring characters in more than three of there own movies, and we will be introduced to new comic movies as time goes on (I.E. "Doctor Strange," and "The Guardians of the Galaxy"). They aren't trying to burn characters out, they are trying new things; and this makes me give them the utmost respect. In an age where I am looking at sequels and prequels to movies from the eighties, movies spanning well past three in a series, and old television shows being re-imagined into film, I can at least count on Marvel to make comic book movies interesting. It may not be original story telling, but at least they are trying things out. 

In closing

I could go on for days giving fifty thousands different reasons as to why the old movies were better, but in the end I must find a time to stop ranting. Three reasons is sufficient enough for me to get my point across, just like three movies is sufficient for any series to get their point across. I know I didn't change anyone's mind here, but I had to give you some reasoning as to why you all need to stop bad mouthing the old movies and acting like the new movies are "the end all, be all Spider-Man movies." If you really do like these movies I am glad you can derive pleasure from something I very clearly cannot; but, don't sit on your high horse of pleasure, and expect me to change my views to appease you. Sam Raimi's "Spider-Man" (and "Spider-Man 2") is still the best Spider-Man out there. Period.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

The day the superhero world stood still

We pick up where we last left off with this, Gwen and Peter are together and Spider-man is saving New York. The ghost of Captain Stacy looms over the relationship straining it, and Spider-Man's crime fighting is not helping matters. During this time Spider-Man has earned himself a die hard fan in the process from his crime fighting, and this fan meets with an unfortunate accident turning him into Electro. There is a lot going on in this movie and I think I covered the main bases.... oh yeah, Peter starts investigating his parent's disappearance. Watch the trailers, everything is revealed there; for now I really want to talk shit about this movie.

Okay here is the type of movie that tests the integrity of a critic. On the one had this movie is even worse then the first (and yes that is possible); on the other, I know I am going to get A LOT of shit for not liking this movie. Oh well, can't please everyone.

As usual we start off with the story line. No. No, we are not calling this a story line, we are calling this fan fiction. Poorly written fan fiction. Can't get on board with what Peter's dad said in the video. Can't get on board with the mere coincidences that led to many origins (and deaths). There is just too much. Too many random circumstances that just happened to lead to everything working out exactly the way these writers wanted it to. It all just felt so forced. They tried to hide behind subtlety, but ended up making it seem like they wanted you to know they were trying too hard. Trying too hard isn't always a bad thing, but being so blatant about your lack of expertise in writing, then trying to mask that with over compensation will never work. There is so much that I want to tell you about this, but seriously don't know how to get past the whole "spoiler" bit. Let's just say Gwen doesn't work in this method, her character ended up being overshadowed and unimportant at times. The movie acted like it had ADD, it couldn't hold onto one scene for too long. Basically it reminded of a kid that actually saw a real Spider-Man go through these events and say it all in that excited kid manner. "Oh man Spiderman did this, and this, and that; then WHOOOSH and BOOM! And Gwen was all like AHH!! Green Goblin and Electro were like ERGGG!!! IT WAS SO AWESOME!" I don't know if I can blame the writers for all of that though, I feel like so many of the problems this movie ended up with were mainly due to the directing.

A big problem the director seemed to go through was telling the actors to just wing it, instead of actually directing them. It is like Marc Webb got bored with anything that wasn't "500 days of summer;" instead of directing he just decided to sit in his trailer and count the money he got for directing instead of actually doing it. Why can I say this? I know Jamie Foxx, Emma Stone, and Paul Giamatti are great actors. Andrew Garfield and Dane DeHann showed great potential. All performances here were pure garbage, just horribly awful for almost everyone involved. The only serviceable performance came from Sally Field, and she was one of the least prominent characters.  This is one of the greatest sins this movie commits, they have all of this talent and just fail to utilize it. I love all of these actors, this movie will not change that; but having them do so poorly falls strictly on the director.

Let's talk about the fight sequences now (sense I know this is what drives most people to see these movies). Can we say bland? Just utterly bland, like I couldn't get into them at all. With superhero movies having such a focus on action, and movies like "Captain America: The Winter Soldier," "The Avengers," and "The Dark Knight" (even "Man of Steel") setting the bar to a new level, this movie should feel embarrassed. I couldn't get engrossed in the fight sequences. I couldn't put myself in the character's shoes. In "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" I felt like I was Cap, I was on the edge of my seat. With this I was just watching, and waiting (kind of bored). The fights were too long or too short, and there just weren't that many of them.

The only saving grace I can even hope to put towards this movie came from the visuals; and in this day and age that is like saying "the only good thing I can say about this restaurant's hamburger is that: it is meaty." A movie like this is expected to have good visuals, and the only time the visuals should be noted is if they are bad. Electro looks like a cool version of Dr. Manhattan, and the electricity was pretty interesting to watch.

 The pacing in this really took me out of the experience too. Why does Spider-Man take so much of his time to talk to this random guy (and he doesn't seem rushed, even though during the fight he is rushed), I get that Jamie Foxx is important to the story line, you do not need to shove that down my throat. You know what would have helped this character? If Spider-Man just saved him and gave him one line of dialogue then went to go stop the speeding truck; not stand there and have a conversation with the guy.If the meeting was more brief his over zealous fandom would have felt more genuinely creepy.

All this movie did for me is convince me that Marvel needs to get the rights to Spider-Man back. They seem to actually know what to do with superheros (these days) and Sony is a sinking ship (speaking in terms of movies). This Spider-Man is more annoying then any incarnation before (from comics, T.V., or movies), and that is saying a lot. I know there are going to be people out there that blindly like this movie. Somehow, someway, they think this movie is good, when in reality it is shit. I am not trying to take that experience away from you. If you can get some sort of enjoyment out of this train wreck, by all means enjoy. We are obviously just on two different wavelengths.

Final Verdict: Don't do it I wanted to like this movie. I wanted Sony to have a shot at making a good choice. I was severely disappointed. You could not pay me to watch this movie again. This competes with "Hulk" and "Batman and Robin" for worst superhero movie. It is even worse then "Spider-Man 3" (at least that movie knew what it was).