The Equalizer

Denzel and Antoine do their best

Robert McCall (Denzel Washington) is your seemingly ordinary old man, working his 9 to 5 and going home to set about his own affairs. His routine is such that no one would think to look at him twice. Part of his routine is going to his favorite diner and having hot tea, where he sees Teri (Chloe Grace Moretz). Teri doesn't hide who she is (a hooker), doing what she can to survive. One day Robert sees her boss handle her a little too roughly, the next day she is in the hospital clinging to life. This sets him off to take up a life he thought he left behind, and bring justice to the scum that did this to her.

So, I didn't see the show this movie was based off of (big surprise) so I have to see this movie from the perspective of people born in my generation or younger. As it stands, the story here was nothing to write home about. Nothing we haven't seen a thousand times before. Simple. Man is older and has a past he thought he could get away from. Man sees something that sets him off to take up his old habits. Basically this man, was written to be your every day immortal bad ass. As I said walking out of the theater with my friends "we don't have the opportunity to see any more John McCains." Let me elaborate. This is the same generic movie of bad-ass, put into a situation he knows, and comes out on top because the people underestimated or weren't prepared for him in some other way. A John McCain is an every man put in an extraordinary situation and comes out on top despite his short comings with a little help from luck. The later scenario is more appealing since we can identify with the every man and don't see that type of movie twice a year (at least). The aforementioned is less appealing simply because there are just so many versions of that story out there. Yes, this movie just so happened to give the bad-ass guy Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.Yes, the bad-ass guy is awesome and a good director can put us in their shoes, letting us escape reality for a little bit; but, even the best director can't polish a terd into a diamond. Luckily, this director polished a terd until it smelled better, and wasn't quite as offensive.

The direction by Antoine Fuqua did exactly what I expected from it, engrossed me in the parts I was supposed to be engrossed in. This man is a damn good director and you barely hear his name as much as more publicized directors, which is a shame. The action scenes keep you invested, and have most people pumping there hands in the air begging for more. He took a seemingly unimportant explosion scene and turned it into  a slow motion thrill ride that lasted just the right amount of time. There are a few minutes that feel like they trailed on a bit too long. It does seem like he was going for a bit more of an artistic approach to action (as he does with some movies), but ultimately he won the day in mind again. The movie was still merely serviceable but he, and the cast, saved this movie from the bargain bin.

Denzel Washington does what Denzel Washington does again, and breathes life until an utterly contrived, boring, tired character. The man very rarely has misses that are noticeable, so whenever I praise his performance I feel like I am just being redundant. I'll leave his performance as this "you like good acting with a cliche storyline? Go see this." The other parts of this cast weren't too far behind in the acting department. It is like Denzel brings out the best of the cast around him or something. Chloe Grace Moretz is still the rising star she has been since we first saw her, and I have seen enough of her to say that I would like to see more in the coming years. She has reached the point where people can't stereotype her as "the child actress" any more, she is growing into something special. Marton Csokas was intimidating as the villain here. Very stoic, very ruthless, ultimately believable as the guy you want to cross the street to avoid. The only real problem I saw in the cast was with Johnny Skourtis, fortunately he had the excuse of "lack of experience" so for his first major role he did fine. Nothing to write home about, overacted a little too much; but, completely fine. I just wish he would have been more of a background character.

In the end, this movie did not disappoint, but it didn't necessarily blow me away either. It completely lived up to the mediocrity I thought it was going to be.  There are things that push it above and beyond what most movies of this caliber end up being; but I wouldn't rush out to see it. I hear a lot of talk from people on if this should be a franchise. My answer is: no. We tried it with Taken and now they can't seem to find the kill switch. Same thing they did with the Bourne series. Basically, I had to see this movie because I did a review on Training Day Thursday, and I'm just waiting to see Boxtrolls. Mark this occasion down as the time my hopes were high for a movie, and we'll see what it does when I review it.

Final Verdict: Rent it Solid acting and directing, put this just slightly above the line of mediocrity. The action scenes are intense enough to hold interest, and the camera work is as impressive as ever. Everyone did the best they could with the crap script they were handed.

The Maze Runner

Another young adult novel gets a movie

We start our tale off with a boy, Thomas (Dylan O'Brien... who I'm led to believe is important to young audiences) arriving in an all male commune cut off from regular society. The leader of the young men, Alby (Aml Ameen) and his second in command Newt (Thomas Brodie-Sangster....of Game of Thrones fame) shows him around their commune called The Glade. The tightly-knit, functioning society is surrounded on all sides by walls housing a maze that would seemingly lead to the Gladers escaping. The Gladers have certain rules which have kept them functioning as long as they have. 1) Carry your own weight, 2) Never hurt another Glader, 3) Never go in the maze, which we later find out means: never go in the maze past dark. Every morning the society sends out a group of people called runners to map the maze, and one day a group of runners gets caught in the maze past dark. Thomas gallantly goes in the maze to try and save them. That is where everything changes.

Apparently I need to start reading again. If this "young adult novel boom" is going to last any longer I am going to need to see if the book was any better than the movie. Right now movie studios are all trying to find the next Harry Potter, Twilight, or Hunger Games series that will keep their studio nice and profitable. So we have been getting Divergent, The Mortal Instruments, and now The Maze Runner. It would just be nice to have some sort of grounding point to realize that this series might have been worth it, if the series was done right. So far, I have read The Hunger Games, Twilight, Harry Potter and Mortal Instruments, other then that I have had to rely on the movies. Unfortunately, Divergent and The Maze Runner make it seem like I am not missing much having not read the book.





Not to say this movie was all around bad. The concept was strong going in. A society of young boys making a strong commune, and having to find their way out of a maze that surrounds them. Interesting, and unique to be sure. My main problem stems from the final act of the picture. This movie reminded me of The Hunger Games, mixed with The Cube, mixed with amnesia and other movie plot cliches. The first two acts got me invested only to figure out that they went the way of 80's-Science Fiction-THE END?" ending. The ending piled on a bunch of nonsensical gibberish and almost completely undid the hard work the first two acts put in. Sure, since this a young adult novel you can kind of tell what is going to happen, leading up to the big ending  People split up, their is an antagonist that rallies troops, important people end up dead. All very cut and dry, race to the ending story telling that would have paid off if the ending was actually good. The only other negative thing I really have to say about the movie is, that the big bad company responsible for this should have dropped the name W.C.K.D. (or wicked). and just called themselves Umbrella Corporation.

The acting here is a cross between mediocre to good. Dylan O'Brien holds his own, but probably shouldn't be leading his own movie quite yet. Thomas Brodie-Sangster does well here, but is brushed to the side to make more camera time for Dylan (which I am assuming was the big name this movie hinged its success on). In fact you can say that for most of the cast. I was surprised by the performance from Will Poulter, just wish I would have gotten to see more of him. Aml Ammen, Ki Hong Lee, and Blake Cooper were just like the rest of the supporting cast, good enough but hard to gauge due to lack of screen time. For someone that was allegedly this movie's biggest hope for success I expected more from him, and ultimately was disappointed. Oh well, if you can't appease the "Teen Wolf" audience, you can at least appeal to the readers, right?

I feel like I am about to say something that will piss off most of my readers, but it kind of stuck in the back of my head through out the entire movie. So, for all of you who don't want to hear about gay stuff please skip this paragraph. I was wondering why no romantic relationships had sprung up through out the three years these boys had been stuck together? On the one hand I was disappointed that I didn't get to see something like that pop up. On the other hand, I was kind of relieved I didn't have to see any articles after this movie came out about "being gay is the product of your environment." What was weirder is that when a society of young, hormonal teenage boys sees their first girl for the first time in three years, and no one was trying to hook up with her. Again I was torn. On the one hand we thankfully didn't have to sit through another forced relationship story arc that would no doubt lead to jealousy and dissension in the ranks. On the other hand, it seemed unrealistic that the first girl these boys have seen in three years wasn't the object of someone's affection. Yes, I know they had bigger things to worry about, but I feel like there was something the writer was leaving out. Were their hormones effected by the amnesia? Did they forget what love (or lust) was? Is the writer really expecting a target audience of teenagers or younger to not think about sex and where it applies in this future? All very weird, and ultimately a little disturbing that it at least wasn't said in passing. All it really would have taken was one line of dialogue. Young boy goes up to the girl starts flirting, and she says, "Don't you think we have bigger things to worry about?"

So there we have it. I imagine that whoever is going to see this movie already knows they are going to see this movie. Either you are going because the lead actor also stars in "Teen Wolf," or your going because you are part of the reason the book became a "best seller." No amount of writing I do is going to keep those groups away from this movie. If you are in my crowd that could care less about either of those reasons this review is for you.

Final Verdict: Netflix it Final act aside this movie was fair enough. nothing to write home about, and at least had an original concept towards the beginning. I can take or leave most of the actors in this, but none of them did "bad" per say.

Tusk

The podcast episode that became a movie

We start off with podcasting mogul Wallace Bryton (Justin Long) trekking up to Winnipeg, Canada to get an interview for his podcast. His interview falls through (for lack of a better phrase), and he goes to a local bar trying to drum up another interview so his trip isn't wasted. While at the bar he goes to the bathroom, and sees an advertisement on a bulletin board. The advertisement says that there is free room and board for someone that will hear an old man tell his many stories. Bryton makes the trip and meets Howard Howe (Michael Parks), a man who transfixes his guests with his stories, and makes them stay by spiking their drinks. Bryton wakes up immobilized and at the old man's mercy, it appears the old man has big plans in store for our intrepid young podcaster. He means to turn him into a walrus.

So, I guess there is something I have to get out before I write my review for this movie. The entire premise for this movie, and the reason it exists is because of a craigslist posting Kevin Smith found. The posting basically boasted free room and board if the tenant would act like a walrus while under the roof. He started joking about it on his podcast, then jokes became an idea, the idea became a hash-tag, the hash-tag became a green light, and here we sit watching Justin Long in a noticeably rubber suit. The thing is that it seems like Kevin Smith actually might have found his footing again after stumbling with "Red State." I absolutely abhor the idea of being marked in this life as a "Kevin Smith fanboy" (since I am obviously a Quentin Tanatino fanboy), but even if I were the only person on earth to say this, I was thoroughly entertained by "Tusk." Sure the effects were noticeably made on a lower budget, but the story here is possibly the most unique thing I have seen in ages (and we all know how I feel about movie scripts that are original). Honestly. Where are you going to find a movie about a serial killer with the affinity to turn people into walrus'? Besides the original script, the acting was superb, the direction was recognizably better then most of Kevin Smith's previous work, the effects may have been garbage, but the rest of the movie more then made up for that hilarious down fall. It generally feels like Kevin Smith had more passion behind this work then any of his more recent works. The story goes a bit haywire when you try to force in a love angle, but it only detracts from the rest of the experience slightly, after that we are back on course.

Now that the story/history of this movie is done with, let's talk about something bad in the movie. The effects. Justin Long is in a remarkably fake looking walrus suit. There is obviously fake blood on medical instruments, where there is supposed to be a grotesque medical scene. Someone hacks off their leg and you feel like you are transported back to the nineties. I say movies don't have to have good effects to be good, but it looks like the entire budget for this movie went towards a paycheck for Johnny Depp. I don't know whether to classify the painfully bad effects as endearing to the creator's low budget, or just plain bad. It was distracting, and that is definitely bad.

The best point in this movie (besides the story itself) was the acting. Justin Long played the dick/scared out of his mind character very well, and he actually didn't make to bad of a walrus. I was so happy to see a new Johnny Depp persona I almost forgot that he had been playing the same character for so many movies. If you see this movie for anything please see it to remember why we all originally liked Depp's acting; however, even he wasn't the best part of this movie. I have to give major kudos to Michael Parks for giving (possibly) the best performance I have seen all year.  It makes me sad that I know the academy won't recognize the obvious talent that went into this role, but as least we can sit back and enjoy the wonderful ride he takes us on. Aside form that, we find out where in the hell Haley Joel Osment has been since child hood...so....there is that. Genesis Rodriguez gives an endearing performance even if her separate story line was an annoying distraction. The only really bad acting I saw, was from an extra at a funeral (the funeral has next to nothing to do with the film, very early, no spoiler) who's fake sobs actually grated on my ears so much I almost walked out of the theater.

In the end, I have voted #WalrusYES on this film, for more than a couple of reasons, but what it really boils down to (and what I preach often on this blog) is: Was it entertaining? Yes. It had very minor moments of humor, wasn't really that scary; but, somehow I found myself thoroughly vexed by this guy being turned into a walrus. I don't know how to describe this feeling, it is like Kevin Smith cast a spell on me and I was back in my childhood. I wanted to see this movie succeed even though I was ready to hate it. Well played, Mr. Smith. Well played.

Final Verdict: See it in Theaters You may be used to amazing graphics quality by this point, but this movie will bring you back to a simpler time. A time where a man on a shoe string budget can create something special. May not be the best, but it was definitely great.

*Reader Request* Let's be Cops

"Dude, let's be actors"

Our story starts out with Ryan (Jake Jonson) and Justin (Damon Wayans Jr.) living life as well as they can in Los Angeles  Ryan has taken the life of a couch bum, coasting through life off of some money he received from an embarrassing commercial. Justin is a sheltered man afraid to make any big steps in his life, currently working as a game designer (who only takes notes at meetings). After pitching his idea for a new game Justin is talked into wearing cop uniforms (he was using for the presentation) to got to a party. After the boys get done at the party they walk around in the city and are treated like real cops. Ryan takes this as a sign to go further into the role and buys all the things he can so they can actually attempt to be "real" cops. The two get in over their head when they cross the wrong man, and are forced into a situation where neither of them know what to do.

So, we can predict from that brief synopsis that this movie is very predictable. There will not be a moment in this movie that you don't see coming. Everything from the character development to the ending is "been there, done that" garbage, and the movie takes no real leaps of faith. I wasn't really expecting much from the storyline to be honest. From the previews I saw crazy friend A convinces awkward friend B, to do C, they get in over their head with D, one falls in love with E, one friend tries to the right thing but is always stopped by F, leading them down the predictable rabbit hole finally to Z. Knew this was going to happen the minute I stepped in the theater. We have already seen this type of movie this year, and that was "Ride Along," we will no doubt go through another one later this year or early next year (prediction is "Dumb and Dumber to," but I still have hope for that movie). These movies are here to serve as filler during the big blockbusters of the Summer and the Oscar bait of the Winter. No one expects these movies to be good, the only people these movies serve are the ones that are bored or aren't used to seeing movies as often as everyone else. The script writing is lazy, the actors are famous for something so they tried doing an actual movie, the music is a playlist of the top hits from a couple of months ago (or earlier), some jokes may register, but never have you rolling on the ground. All too familiar.

I know what you fans of "New Girl" are wanting to know. How did two out of the three (four, kind of) boys do in their own movie? Well my subheading might be a little misleading, but they did fine... as long as you put in "for their first movie" before you say that. Look, it is the first movie where both of them are the stars, and it is this movie, I'm not exactly expecting Brando like work here. So, for their first time they did fine, couple of moments of overdoing the bit, couple of moments of trying to convey emotion that doesn't necessarily register; but, all in all a perfectly serviceable performance by both men. Rob Riggle turns up and does what he does, which is funny but nothing we haven't seen in EVERY OTHER ROLE HE HAS DONE. New-comer serving as the love interest for this movie (basically a new-comer) Nina Debrev has some hidden talent lying in her; but, this was not the movie to see it. Andy Garcia showed up (seemingly because he was really desperate for money) and played a gangster so he did fine (stop the presses, right?)

What it all comes down to with a movie like this is the humor. Was the humor good enough to see past the OBVIOUS short comings this film showcased? The answer: almost. Yes, this movie had some moments in it where I could see some hope, but basically fell right to hell at the third act. The time proceeding that was pretty funny, nothing to write home about; but, at least enough to get a few chuckles out of me. Go with a few friends that are entertained by absolutely everything, and it will seem like Mel Blanc himself wrote this movie. I say that because this movie has been in circulation for over a month, the only people still seeing this movie are the people I was stuck in the theater with. The lowest common denominator. People that were in the mall, thought this movie looked good in a TV spot, and proceeded to laugh exceedingly louder with every hint of a joke. Went to go to the bathroom after the credits and people were quoting the movie. So, I am obviously not the target humor audience here. I guess I am just used to a better quality of film.

Final Verdict: Netflix it This movie is not going to be winning any comedy of the year awards, but it is perfectly fine sitting in your list until the day you finally get bored enough to watch it. There are plenty of other movies to see (or see again) to get over the end of summer lull.

No Good Deed

When a hot stranger shows up to your front door

Welp let's give this a shot. On my triumphant return back to the movie review game I thought I would see the newest movie that came out this week (like I do), and that just so happened to be a thriller with Idris Elba as a serial killer. It seemed generic but I have a soft spot in my heart for great actors even when they are forced into doing a generic role. So, synopsis right? Well, that would give this movie some sort of credit for having what might be a story line (or plot), but I guess I will give it a shot anyways.

Idris Elba kills women.
.
.
.
Not, enough? Okay.

Idris Elba kills women and Taraji Henson is an under appreciated stay at home mom, who was seemingly at the wrong house at the wrong time.

Really, there is nothing more to this story line (except for a big reveal at the end that I won't spoil for some reason), but I will give the creators of this bland, generic piece of crap one thing. They damn sure know how to appeal to the sheep. Not that I consider you all sheep, I just got annoyed by the reaction in the theater to "THE BIG REVEAL!" Which incidentally wasn't really that interesting, or as interesting as they may have wanted to make it seem. Maybe I was just more annoyed that the tweenagers behind me kicked my seat every time there was even a hint of a jump scare, and wouldn't shut up through out the entire movie. Not that I blame for talking, it isn't like I was going to miss any gripping dialogue from the main characters. Pretty much the entire movie could have been (and basically was) silent through out the entire thing and you would have gotten the basic overview. Idris Elba is a hot stranger, Taraji Henson wants to bone him but also doesn't trust this stranger, her husband is a dick, her best friend is white and "white girl crazy." You could take a nap through the entire first act and not have missed anything that would have been detrimental to your viewing experience.

Maybe we should talk about the acting.... wait where is it? Where did the acting go? The audience is over here waiting to be astonished by you acting, why would you not show up to the movie? Can you tell I hated the ever loving hell out of the acting here? Yeah, I guess everyone just decided to take the day off here because the actors seemed to not give one tiny, little fuck about doing a good job. The only real serviceable actor here was (you guessed it) Idris Elba, but that is still like a slap in the face to Elba since he usually either carries the movie or stands out. I guess his back was hurting from having to carry so many other piece of crap films that he just decided to say the hell with it. Taraji Henson may have done well somewhere else, anywhere else, but here she sits (much like Elba) wasting her talents. Want to see a good movie she was in? Try "Smokin' Aces." Want to see a good Elba movie? "Pacific Rim,"  or "The Losers." This is not the movie to meet two great actors.

I could go into the cinematography being boring and non-threatening, I could go into the music being just as generic and misplaced as the plot, I could even delve deeper into just how horrible the performances were; but it is just not worth it. Not worth me typing it up, not worth you reading; this movie should be the farthest thing from our thoughts. This movie is the basis of laziness in the film industry. Lazy ending, lazy acting, lazy direction, lazy script, lazy sound team. Do yourself a favor and go see something more interesting. I may suggest watching paint dry and looking at the grass grow.

Final Verdict: Don't do it Yeah, I try to find something good to say about every movie I see, but this one pushed my limit. I guess it is just the lull from the summer blockbuster season winding down. Oh well, great to be back everybody.

Apologies for the hiatus AKA Dustin was broke

Hello loyal readers, and welcome to my very own special edition of Dustin's Disastrous Decisions. I felt it necessary to explain my hiatus, and what to expect from this page in the days to come. I feel an obligation to my readers to explain things like this (whether I were to have five readers or five million), so I hope you enjoy this article and can get excited for some changes I have coming down the road. Remember this page and my experience in reviews is still in its adolescence, so if some things don't pan out or I decide to switch my style bare with me and I hope I can always give you an entertaining experience.  

Dustin's Disastrous Decisions

So as you all have noticed (if you keep current with my page) I have missed quite a few releases of movies. Basically, this is because I was in-between day jobs and didn't have the money to spend on tickets.  It sucked because it not only kept me from doing something I love, but kept my readers waiting and for that I apologize. Right now, it is not fiscally responsible for me to try and catch up on all the movies I have missed, I will still be taking requests from you all for any current or earlier movies, (specifically speaking of one request for "Let's Be Cops"), but I will be keeping to movies as they premiere in their respective opening weekends unless specifically requested otherwise. Mainly, all this will really effect is my end of the year list of Best, Worst, and Awards.

Dustin's Dirty Dozen

So, after giving it much thought I will be moving my Top 12 lists to only encompass special events or holidays. Mainly, this is just in the interest of time, and because I hate being late with things. With the hours I keep at my current day job I can't guarantee I will be able write one or more reviews over the weekend, keep up with requests,and review a relevant old movie every Thursday on top of a list blog; however I will follow a request chain on this as well. For example, if you really want to know what my Top 12 Adam Sandler films are I will make it and put it up. For now it is being pushed away for things I absolutely want to keep current with.

Dustin's Dilapidated Decisions

I will still be keeping up with my throwback Thursday article (unfortunately it is not really relevant for me to review the original "Sin City" unless specifically requested otherwise). I will be responding to all requests for this as soon as humanly possible. It will be back up next Thursday 9/18/2014 and the movie I will be reviewing is "Jersey Girl" in honor of Kevin Smith's new movie "Tusk" coming out the following Friday. I will most likely put up a list of movies I plan on reviewing for this in the weeks to come, but for right now I am just playing it by ear. 

Television

So after some debate with myself I have decided to start taking requests for reviewing T.V. Series. These are the only requests I will absolutely have to put stipulations on, so here we go.

1. Nothing over five seasons if I haven't seen it before. If I haven't seen the series before, I will not be taking any requests for television series over five seasons in length. Mainly, because I will have to binge watch this series from start to finish and since I can predict that most the series that will be requested are going to have hour long episodes I need to draw a line.

2. Patience. I have a way of working this so you won't have to be patient for to long, but realize that the usual running time of a movie is between an hour and half or two hours. This will be a bit of a longer engagement. 

That's really it. If you make a request for a T.V. show I will put up my reviews one season at a time. Animation and Anime are highly encouraged since that is a medium I love talking about.

Upcoming Events 

Obviously, with October right around the corner most of my reviews are going to be about horror movies that month. After that in November I will be having an animation month. My thought process for making November animation month was basically to try and combat the hours of horror movies viewed in October by following it up with something a bit lighter. These are both months where I am going to have lists up. I won't be making lists for December because I am The Grinch and hate Christmas, but will be reviewing old Christmas movies. 

Wrapping up...

Anyways, that's about it for me here gang. Thank you for reading and stay tuned because I am going to be writing a lot now.

Enjoy the movies,

Dustin