Nope. Nuh-uh. Not a chance of this being a good movie.
O.k.....O.k.....O.k. I'm going to do my best at writing a synopsis for this travesty that is considered to be some kind of a script for this movie. Bare with me. If I spoil something don't worry, you would have called it anyways. April O'Neil (Megan Fox) is a struggling female reporter waiting for a big story to break her away from being just another pretty news face. She has been following the activities of the foot clan, a paramilitary terrorist organization that has been terrorizing New York City. One day she realizes that their are vigilantes hindering the clan's plans, and stumbles upon them after a daring rescue. It turns out these vigilantes are "six foot tall turtles," but not just any turtles, the turtles that she kept as pets when her father was experimenting on them. It also turns out that Eric Sacks (William Fichtner) who worked with her father had plans of using these turtles to carry an antidote to a poison he created and planned on unleashing on New York.... I'm going to stop this now. I can't write anymore description on this garbage.
This movie had to be the most lazy, cliche, boring, stupid "writing" I have ever seen. I can get behind them changing the back story of the turtles for the umpteenth time, but when it looks like they didn't even attempt to make this movie interesting it is insulting. They used the same story arc from "The Amazing Spider-Man" movie right down to the end scene taking place on the top of a tower as the antagonist tries to unleash a toxic gas. The magic, special blood story arc was seen here as well, and is still as bad as when they did it in "The Amazing Spider-Man" movie. More to the point everything that they tried to make from their own ideas just fell flat. April's father is the one that created the turtles, and the turtles owe April for saving them from a laboratory fire. Splinter randomly picking up a book on Ninjutsu, deciding the boys should learn how to defend themselves (because they are going to need this knowledge due to the way they look), and becoming a master....seemingly overnight. April's father being killed by Sacks because he didn't want his work used for nefarious purposes. April being a struggling "pretty face style" reporter when she just wants to cover hard hitting stories. It has all been done, or shouldn't have been attempted. The only thing they seemed to get right was the characterization. The turtles all have the same personality we knew. Donatello is still the uber-nerd, Raphael is still angry all the time, Leonardo is still the stoic leader. The only difference is that Michelangelo is fifty times more horny then he has ever been. It is actually a bit disturbing to see him hit on April so much.
I wish I could say that the only real saving grace here were the effects, but by today's standards they were pretty bad. The turtles are done so horribly that you kind of want to avert your eyes every time they are on the screen; but, they still pale in comparison to how horrible Splinter looks. There is enough lens flare in this for it to be considered J.J. Abrams wet dream. The fighting would be cool, if we didn't see basically all of the fighting in the trailers. They made New York not seem like New York, some how finding a way to dumb down one of the biggest cities in America. I wish I could find something positive to say about this movie but I am drawing a blank at every turn.
You know how people get on Kristen Stewart's case for having a "derp face?" Why is it that I never hear about Megan Fox's derp face, because her's is the worst I have ever seen. Yes, Megan Fox is a horrible actress that should stick to modeling and leave movies to the professionals. We already knew that; but since the entire movie is basically "Megan Fox and her turtle pals" it is hard to talk about anything else. Will Arnett was allegedly in this, don't blink though or you might miss him. The same can be said for Whoopi Goldberg and William Fichtner. The good parts of this cast are all bit characters with not a lot of dialogue and only exist to boost the character April O'Neil. I can't even talk about the turtle's voices that much because it is almost impossible to mess up a voice session this easy. The biggest question on your mind after watching this (besides what the hell did I just watch?) should be: How does Megan Fox keep getting work?
I could sit here and belittle this movie all day (seriously don't tempt me), but the fact of the matter is that this was an all around bad movie with little to no redeeming qualities. I wish that a new TMNT movie could be good, and maybe they will make one some day; but, for today this is what we were given. A bad, lazy, uninspiring, worthless, stupid, piece of garbage. Johnathon Lieberman should feel embarrassed by his direction, the three writers in charge of this should have compared notes once or twice, and Michael Bay can rest easy knowing that not only does he direct bad movies; but, he also produces bad movies. If you have any respect for your children do not take them to see this movie, because their is a possibility they will come out of the theater minus a few brain cells. If you have any respect for yourself don't go see this movie, because you have already seen good TMNT movies and don't need to soil your plate.
Final Verdict: Don't do it Instead of going to see this, why don't you go see "Guardians of the Galaxy" again. At least then you will be privileged to seeing a movie with professionals at the helm, instead of a class of third graders' attempt at making a movie.
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