Even with The Rock we can't do this
Despite what we have all been lead to believe from the trailers this version of Hercules is from the man's perspective (not the myth), meant to be a more realistic interpretation. This is what I was told it would be from articles, but the trailer was a bit misleading. The story begins with Hercules (Dwayne Johnson) living the life of a mercenary after being cast out from his nation for a crime he can't remember the specifics of. When he was apart of this nation he was the leader of a great army, but now he surrounds himself with friends more loyal than any he has encountered while they perform certain jobs for high amounts of gold. His band of thugs is comprised of a "false" prophet Amphiaraus (Ian McShane), his old second in command Autolycus (Rufus Sewell), a man bred of war which made him a beast Tydeus (Aksel Hennie), an amazon Atalanta (Ingrid Berdel), and finally his nephew, the story teller, Iolaus (Reece Ritchie). The group's newest task is to help train an army so Lord Cotys (John Hurt) can rule Thrace without incident from an evil army set to dethrone him.
This movie reeks of elements from "The Scorpion King," I mean every part of it was awful. No one's heart was in the movie (everyone seemed so bored), the story line had potential but fell to pieces, the production quality looks like it took cinema back ten years, the music was wonky and misplaced. It is like they tried to throw a movie together in ten hours and had to cast a big name so they didn't get thrown in the "straight to DVD" category (but seriously this movie should have gone straight to DVD). Before anyone jumps on me for "The Scorpion King" comment, let me just say I did enjoy it....when I was 12, take a look at the movie now and tell me it is LEGITIMATELY good. I defy you. Anyways, let me start this off how I usually do, with the story line.
So the whole "making this movie out to be realistic" thing was an interesting idea, and if "Troy" didn't beat them to this concept and do a hundred times better with that movie it might have been good in someone's eyes. Everything is predictable in this movie, right down to the ending. Main character is a mercenary because of something tragic that happened in his past, seen it a million times. One of the main group leaves and then miraculously reappears just in time, seen it a million times. The obligatory woman in a man's world misogyny comment. The weak character wants to fight alongside the strong. The king. The lord. Everything down to the last marble was bland and uninteresting. I honestly can't think of one good thing to say about the story line, since they tried to beat you over the head with the only interesting point in the movie (the fact that all of this was supposed to be realistic). Every single moment they have to say something about myths being made up for moral purposes in an army, and it turns into this annoying mantra.
The only thing that stunk more than the story line in this movie was the ridiculous production quality. It seemed like all of the money spent on this movie went into the advertising campaign because I can't see this movie costing more than $100,000.00, and half of that was paid to Dwayne Johnson for showing up in this garbage. The fight scenes had a bit of fun to them but only when you are watching Johnson throw around his big club and the other main character's using their weapons. The army scenes shouldn't even have been attempted because they were enough to put me to sleep. The graphics were good at some points, but completely laughable at others. Everything had that dumb gritty texture to it, and it seriously reminded of every bad ancient times movie I have seen (specifically "Conan" and " The Scorpion King").
With all of this I was hoping the acting would have been enough to save at least a small part of this movie. Nope. Dwayne Johnson is just here to pick up a paycheck. Rufus Sewell doesn't seem to get how to play a good guy, because I kept waiting for him to betray everyone (which surprisingly is the one stereotypical thing missing from this movie). Ian McShane does the best he can as the old comic relief; but, missteps too many times for me to care enough about his character, and John Hurt played John Hurt...for the hundredth damn time. All the lesser names seemed like they actually cared; but, regardless of how good or not good they were fate sealed this movie into the "bad" category.
I'd like to say "why can't they seem to make a good Hercules movie?" The truth is THEY have nothing to do with this failure, Brett Ratner has everything to do with it because he just can't direct action. Period. He did good with movies like "Rush Hour," and "After the Sunset;" but, fails almost everywhere else. I was still sore from his absolute betrayal to the X-Men series when he made "X3: X-Men United" now he is throwing dirt in my wound by making Greek Mythology a joke. There are worse directors to be sure, but he needs to stick to what he knows and stay out of action forever.
Final Verdict: Don't Do It! Congratulations! "Hercules" was the worst movie I have seen this year (so far). Take off your crown "Amazing Spider-Man 2" there is a new king. I wouldn't wipe my boots off on this movie for fear it would ruin them. Dwayne Johnson deserved better, I deserved better, and most important you all deserved better.
No comments:
Post a Comment